Tiger Woods to Release Rap Album
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by Jocktrotter
Tiger Woods is trading in his golf clubs for a Glock-9.
That’s because the rap album of his alter-ego, 50%, is set to drop next Tuesday at stores worldwide.
In the weeks leading up to 50’s release, Woods has been trying to ramp up his street cred. Now we know why he’s had his teeth capped gold, why he’s been wearing a single black golf glove, and also why he had fellow PGA tour members Fred Funk and Davis Love III shoot him nine times.
Tracks from the album have already begun to surface on the internet.
In the moody track “Suck My F***** D***, Hootie Johnson”, Woods riffs on his past:
> Came through in ’97, no one thought I could do it / Got stabbed in the neck n’ still won the Buick
In the title track, 50%, Woods brags:
> I blew up this scene / n’ took all the bid-days / Now niggas be saggin’ / like Mickelson’s tit-tays
According to industry sources there will also be a sampling of Woods’ favorite songs, including a remake of his all-time favorite “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac.
If nothing else, the announcement has validated Woods as a PGA trendsetter—at least a half-dozen other golfers have already made plans to record hip-hop albums, including John Daly.
When asked what he might name his album, Daly said he would probably take his hit “All My Exes Wear Rolexes” and amend it to “All My Bitches End Up Wit Stitches.”
“That sounds about right,” Daly said, sipping an Olde English 40. “I reckon this shi** might work.”
This article appears on www.phillyjock.com
