Patriots Just Keep On Rolling
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by user Josh Q. Public
Josh Q. Public: I’ve got more action than my man John Woo, and I’ve got mad hits like I was Rod Carew.
Public Service Announcement
OK, here we go! All right? Satisfied? Was there ever any doubt? Was there? If there was, it was quickly erased. Very quickly. Five minutes quickly. Seven plays quickly. Six for six, 94 yards quickly. That’s all it took. That’s all it took for the whole country to get it. For the whole country to understand what the hell I’ve been talking about around here. Do you get it now? Finally? The Vikings do. The Patriots just tore them up. Banana Hand style. That first drive was important and all. A real attention grabber. A statement maker. But it wasn’t the story of the game. You wanna know what was? You know you do. It was Minnesota’s second possession. Their defense just picked my boy, Brady. It made ‘em feel all strong and junk. Like they were gonna do something. They tried. 3rd and 8. Roosevelt Colvin III. Roosevelt Colvin III had the sack. Roosevelt Colvin III had Brad Johnson in his hot little hands. Roosevelt Colvin III couldn’t hold on. Complete pass. Eight yard gain. First down. Back breaker, right? Wrong. Back bender. This is the bend don’t break New England Patriot Defense. This drive is indicative of what they’ve been doing all along. Bend don’t break. Don’t believe me? Check it, check it out. Going into this game, the Patriots ranked 13th in yards allowed. But here’s the rub. They ranked fourth in points allowed. See where I’m going with this? Bend don’t break baby, bend don’t break. The Vikings get down to the six. Interception. The Dirtiest Player in Football. Ball game. Oh, how the tide has turned. The Vikings never recovered. Ball game. It sounded so nice, I said it twice. So I guess the cat’s out of the bag. The jig is up. The Patriots are good. Who woulda thunk? Bring on the Colts. Bring on da Bears. Bring on the rings.
Public Notices:
Just some stuff from watching the game.
1. Doesn’t Brad Childress look like Ned Flanders. Think he got his headset at the Leftorium? Right next to the Tommy Hillclimber? I’ll tell you this, he absitvely, posolutely got his ass spanked last night. They don’t call it the New England Spankological Protocol for nothing.
2. I wish after Chad Jackson crawled into the end-zone, Belichick lit a victory cigar. Red Auerbach style. That’s what I wish. What a tribute that would have been. A tribute, I say.
3. The Human Bobble Head Derby: First of all, is that a rip off of these pages right here? It just might be. I’ll talk to my lawyers, Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz and Rabinowitz, and I’ll get back to you. What could the NFL have possibly been thinking? I can’t believe they let the Mike Tirico bobble get so close to the Vikings Cheerleaders. Very dangerous. Not for nothing, how does he still have a job, on Monday Night Football yet, and Harold loses his? Jason Jackson style.
4. Red Auerbach: ” Individual honors are nice, but no Celtic has ever gone out of his way to achieve them… Our pride was never rooted in statistics.” Who does that sound like? Um, I dunno, the Patriots?
The Public at Large:
1. Breaking news. This just in. Curtis Martin done for the year. Career may be over.
2. The Celtics will wear a black clover leaf on their uniforms to tribute Red. You know what would be a bigger tribute? Try winning. Huh? Have you thought about that? Huh? Well, have you? Black Clover? Is that near the Purple Shamrock? Just asking.
3. You know the guy they picked up in relation to Trevor Berbick’s untimely demise? They just picked his moms. Yup. Earlier this year, Berbick was charged with assault for punching her. Dribs and drabs this story’s coming in. Dribs and drabs.
4. Tom Terrific. Brady threw for 257 yards in the first half, a career high and the most this season in the NFL. Yowza! Peyton who?
5. Here’s a fun little tidbit for y’all. NBA opening day rosters were set on Monday. Connecticut is the college with the most players in the league with 14. Duke with 13. North Carolina with 12. Arizona with 10 and UCLA with 10. That was fun, wasn’t it?
6. LeBronze James wins the MVP this year. Mark my words. Mark them, I say! I want to say they go to the Finals. I dunno know if I’m ready to make that leap. The Cavs still need a solid number two guy. They don’t have that yet.
7. You oughta be in pictures. You’re wonderful to see. You oughta be in pictures. Oh what a hit you would be! Little Jack Little style. Mr. Hockey. Gordie Howe. New movie. All about his 1973-74 WHA season. It’s actually a great story. You know it. Bad wrist. Retires from hockey. Two years later he signs with the Houston Aeros of the WHA. Plays with his sons. Wins two titles in a row. Wins the MVP. His son wins Rookie of the Year. Mark Howe: “Dad’s mind-set on the ice was different than most anybody else I’ve ever met. He can be cruel. I’ve seen him be vicious. I’ve seen him hurt people and I used to think, ‘Wow, it’s like he meant to do it.‘”
8. The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here! I’m somebody now! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now. The Jerk style. Well the reviews are in. One of ‘em anyway. And I’m a hit. What? You don’t believe me? See for yourself. Then we’ll see what’s what. SportsBlogging.net
9. Remember the Super Bowl Shuffle? Well now for something completely different. Monty Python style. The Isiah Shuffle. Remember when Isiah guaranteed the Knicks would go to the play-offs. Well now for something completely different. This time he says he “sure as hell hopes” they have a shot. When is James Dolan ever gonna see this guy doesn’t have a clue. Oh ya, neither does James.
10. NBA action. Basketball kicks off tonight. Fan-tastic and I love it! Watch out for Net rookie Marcus Williams. As the kids say, he’s a baller. I wish I was a little bit taller. I would be a baller. I would have a girl who looks good, I would call her. Skee Lo style. I miss Antoine Walker. I miss the Quake. Sure he was a gunner. He was a leader too. We don’t have one now. And that’s the Truth.
11. Wake signs, but who is he going to throw to? Mirabelli just filed for free agency.
12. I wish Bob Ryan would write a weekly NBA column. He’s the best there is. It would put Vecsey’s Hoops Du Jour to shame. Shame I tell you. Denis Lemieux style.
13. Uh oh! Milf weed strikes again. Belichick’s son busted. I’m sure Bill will talk about it at length during his next press conference.
13. Pity the Seahawk fan. Shawn Alexander’s foot is still cracked. Will not play Monday night. Those guys are in truh-ble.
14. Suppan to the Yankees? Maybe. They’re thinking about it.
15. What do these guys have in common? Jalen Rose, Penny Hardaway, Keith Van Horn, Nick Van Exel, Jimmy Jackson, Doug Christie, Tony Delk, Antonio Davis, Walter McCarty and Howard Eisley? They’re all out of work. Out of basketball. Look at the upside. At least now they can take their guns to town without Daddy Strern breathing down their necks.
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Josh Q. Public
