Nicknames For The Fantasy Football Connoisseur
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As I was watched Reggie Wayne torch Jason David time and time again and saw my fantasy stats began to pile up I came to a sudden realization. Reggie Wayne does not have a cool nickname like “LT” or “The Snake” (not that Plummer was all that good but he did have a cool nickname). I had nothing more than “Reggie” or a little shimmy to rub Wayne’s dominance in the faces of my fantasy opponents. This just won’t do, I thought to myself. So, instead of doing work at the office today I decided to conjure up my own nicknames for players that I will praise or curse throughout the fantasy season. Maybe you like them, maybe you don’t, but hey, they’ve got to be better than my shimmy? Have you seen my shimmy?
Without further ado here is my list of players that I have christened with my own self-serving nicknames.
1) Reggie Wayne - “Reginald Smooth” Runs routes as smooth as silk and makes taking it to the house look so easy. Wayne is as smooth as it gets. And this is will be the year he finally has more catches than Marv. Personally, I like the effect the full name of Reginald has with Smooth, it sounds very refined (just like Wayne’s game) but Reggie Smooth works just as well.
2) Adam Vinatieri - “Automatic” Adam Never missed a kick at the RCA Dome. EVER! That’s about as automatic as it gets. Need I bring up the playoff credentials and the Super Bowl rings?
3) Eli Manning - “Sheli” (pronounced She-Lie) The look (the “Oh God, blow the whistle” look) in those eyes when he sees the blitz says it all. He may not be as bad as many of us make him out to be, but he can’t shake that look. Plus, it’s fun to call him Sheli. Try it…
Sheli…
Gives me goosebumps.
4) T.J. Houshmandzadeh - TJ “Who’s your father?” Because that’s what you’ll be asking (loudly, and to the embarrassment of your girlfriend) your buddy as Housh prances into the endzone for his second score of the day against your buddy’s fantasy team. I firmly expect a big year from Mr. “Who’s your father?”.
5) Ahman Green - “Ah, Man!” Green Because that’s what you’ll be saying when Green either a) fumbles or b) gets injured for the season on week 2. In 04 Green fumbled one less time than he scored (8 TDs to 7 fumbles) and in 05 he only played 5 games (and managed to slip in a fumble). Last year was Green’s best in recent memory (even with 4 fumbles). But I still expect a lot more “AH, MAN!!!” (disgusted) than “AH, MAN!!!” (elated). Did I mention he’s 30 and on the Texans?
6) Ronnie Brown - “The Bust” You’ve heard of “The Bus”, well, now we have “The Bust”. And no it’s not because he busts through gaps and punches the ball into the endzone. It’s mostly because he hasn’t been very good; at least not for such a highly touted pick. Of course, he could still make me eat my words with a big year but I like the prospect (and the chances) of yelling “The Bust” strikes again when Brown gets stuffed at the goaline on 4th down.
Note: The Golden Boy suggested the name Ronnie “doo-doo” Brown, as his career has been just that so far. But seeing as how I didn’t think of it, it did not make the list and therefore only gets a side note… But I have to admit it’s an awesome nickname (as long as your name isn’t Ronnie Brown).
7) Chris Henry - Chris “Not To Be Confused With The Other Chris Henry” Henry I know the name is a little long (it does get easier/more fun to say the more you say it, I think it's the double Henry part) but hear me out. It doesn’t matter that he’s buried on the Titans depth chart. I figured if your name is Chris Henry and you can stay out of prison then you deserve a nickname.
8) Steven Jackson - “Action” Jackson No, it’s not because of any resemblance to Carl Weathers (Weathers has a cooler mustache) but because Jackson is always in the middle of the Rams’ offense. Those of you with Jackson on their fantasy teams know exactly what I’m talking about. For those of you living under a rock last year… 1528 rushing yards, 806 receiving yards and 16 total TDs last season. Now THAT is a lot of action. Whether he’s running the ball, catching a screen, or picking up the blitz there never seems to be a moment where “Action” Jackson’s name isn’t being called.
9) Robbie Gould - Robbie “As Good As” Gould Yea, I know. It sounds like a Bermanism. And it very well might be. But I haven’t heard him or his comb-over say it so that means I get to use it. Last year Gould was the #1 kicker in our league, putting up the most points for a kicker. Now he doesn’t have the credentials that Vinatieri does but he does have a chance to repeat his performance last year. As far as I know Rex Grossman is still the QB for the Bears which means the offense will probably sputter in the red zone which means that Gould will get plenty of opportunities. So when Robbie pumps through a third field goal on game day on yet another stalled Bears drive feel free to get up and shout “It’s ‘As Good As’ Gould!”
10) Byron Leftwich - Byron “Big Boobs” All I have to say is look at this. You can thank me for that one later.
Also-rans that didn’t make the cut: David “I Don’t Care That I’m A Backup, At Least I’m Out Of Houston” Carr, Jeff “Paler Than a Goth Kid” Garcia (contributed by The Golden Boy), Rudi “Huxtable” Johnson (also contributed by The Golden Boy), and Ron “I Like Twinkies” Dayne.
This brings me to a final point. My personal FleaFanatics nickname. I originally went with HeHateYou due to my friends’ constant acknowledgment of me being a “hater”. I thought I’d run with it but have since decided that I am actually a likable, lighthearted fellow that enjoys long walks on the beach and holding hands amongst other things. This is obviously the opposite of HeHateYou, therefore, for the dozen, of you that actually read my posts, I’ll be going by my Flea name of CubanC , which I find to be far more suitable.
Moving on…
Have your own nickname for player? Post it and see what everyone else thinks.
--CubanC
