If I Ran ESPN, Oh What a Wonderful Day it Would Be

If I ran ESPN, I'd run it swiftly into the ground...

What do you mean someone already is?

Long Live ArmchairGM!

I'd ask Stuart Scott how he got a glass eye. Then I'd fire him. And I would have those sausage races in the hallways 3 times a day to get exercise.

Oooh ohhh...on Sportscenter...I'd put highlights of games on...say like 5-7 plays from each baseball game...and then a box score...

I'd also ask Tony Reali to marry me, and he would agree. Then he would quit and I would take his place on the company payroll.

I wouldn't air a meaningless NL game on the West Coast instead of Baseball Tonight. Live look-ins are fine, but the whole game? Unneccessary.

I'd get rid of that asshat Chris Berman

I would lock Chris Berman, Jay Mariotti, Sean Salibury, Skip Bayless and Jim Rome in a room with Mike Vick and his boys. They'd figure out what to do with them.

Than I'd have ESPN Classic acutally show sports again!

Then I'd take a nap.

I'd get rid of INSIDER. Immediately.

I would cancel probably 2 or 3 of the shows that are basically about ripping new things apart that the media has completely overblown. And also, I would make the staff half as big, probably killing Mariotti. I would make Skip Bayless and Woody Paige fight to the death.

If I ran ESPN, I'd get rid of friggin poker, dominoes, and the spelling bee. I have nothing against the spelling bee, but why does it have to be on ESPN? Also, I'd stop making Mike and Mike do everything.

If I ran ESPN I would fire anyone and everyone who was involved with the Who's Now competition...another mindless attempt to attract the E! and Lifetime audience to ESPN...check out my past blog

Sounds a lot like ESPN used to be when it first started. Oh, the power of money.

I forgot to add one thing, I would make EVERYBODY at Bristol take a one week crash course on MMA and the UFC. They know who Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture are, and that's about it.

I would put Snooker tournaments on in the morning. What is the middle of the day over here would be the morning your time. Which would be an improvement on repeats. At least in my opinion. :)

Wow . . . a lot of things to do.

In no particular order:

1. Fire Balloon Head and Bozo (John Miller and Joe Morgan) immediately. 2. Disband the "Entertainment" division, which presumably was responsible for such blights on the TC landscape as "3", "The Junction Boys," "Tilt," "Cold Pizza," etc. 3. Remove the radar gun from Little League World Series telecasts. better yet, stop televising it entirely except for the final game. 4. Stop all coverage of high-school basketball. 5. Get rid of Stuart Scott and any other "anchor" who can't see the line between reporting on sports figures and abjectly worshiping them. 6. Arrange a slow and painful death for whoever thought up "Who's Now?" and an even worse death for the suit(s) who approved it. 7. Get rid of that stupid miniature football field on the NFL set. 8. Fire, with all deliberate speed: Michael Irvin, Steve Phillips, John Kruk, Buster Olney, and Tim Kirkjian. 9. Stop treating Arena Football as though anyone actually cares about it. 10. Eliminate the ESPYs. Has any athlete ever actually cared about winning an ESPY? "Well, Stu, I did feel really bad that fumble costing us the Super Bowl, but winning the ESPY for 'Illest Fumble' really takes the sting out." 12. Create a new channel, ESPN-G. "The G" will focus solely on garbage sports and will feature competitive eating, poker, PBA Bowling, cheerleading, etc., 24/7. (Classic Garbage will be shown on the soon to be formed ESPN-G Classic.)

That takes care of the first day . . .