Hey SI! Here are the Top 10 Replacements for Jenn Sterger
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by Letsgojets
So, Sports Illustrated fired Jenn Sterger.
I'm sad.
She was hot.
I mean, she's still hot, but, she's not on SI any more.
SI needs to fix this, now!
Here are my suggestions.
#10: Tawny Kitaen
Formerly Mrs. Chuck Finley, this once co-host of America's Funniest People isn't really funny herself -- she named her kids "Wynter" and "Raine". But she's certainly spunky, having put the beat-down on good ol' Chuck.
On April 1, 2002, she was arrested again in Newport Beach and then charged with domestic abuse and battery for attacking her husband, Chuck Finley, while the two were driving home. Kitaen reportedly kicked Finley several times with her high-heeled boots, and severely twisted his ear, leaving visible marks. Finley filed for divorce three days after this incident. Kitaen admitted shortly afterwards in court filings that she had become addicted to prescription medications for depression and migraine headaches. Finley was granted a temporary restraining order against Kitaen and temporary custody of their children, and also as part of a criminal plea agreement, Kitaen was required to undergo substance abuse, anger management and conflict resolution counseling and to make a $500 donation to a battered-women's shelter in exchange for the dismissal of two misdemeanor counts of spousal abuse.
Oh, and she was once in a Whitesnake video. Awesome.
#9: Whomever This Is
Using Google Image Search, type in "hot woman". She comes up. Face is a C, yeah, and we don't know anything about her sports acumen. But hey, Jenn Sterger isn't a Pulitzer Prize Winner and probably thinks Pete Rose was a bad '80s band.
#8: Condi Rice
Well, she wanted to be commissioner of the NFL. So she's actually more qualified than Sterger, even if she lacks other "qualifications."
#7: Bridget Moynahan and Giselle Bunchen
Top Ten Reasons a Column Between These Two Would Rock:
- Pillow fights are almost certain to break out
- Tom Brady would be so distraught that the Patriots would actually lose to the Jets
-
I'd get to find out how tiny Tom's Peter is... actually, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
#6: Barry Bonds, Drag Queen
You know, because we're not at all tired of hearing about Barry Bonds. Not at all.
#5: Leann Tweeden
Confession: I have no idea who she is. My friend said "hey, check out Leeann Tweeden, she's hot", so I did.
Confession #2: My friend is right.
Confession #3: I don't care that I have no idea who she is. I'd "read" her "column".
Confession #4: Quotes make thing dirty, don't they?
#4: Anna Benson
Anna is, per Wikipedia, "known for her large breasts." Seriously. So, she's definitely got that covered.
But would she be a good sports "commentator"? Kris Benson's slutty "better" half once threatened to bang the entire Mets roster if dare cheat on her. She went to the Mets Christmas bash in an outfit that would make a Times Square hooker blush. And she once said that Omar Minaya was putting together an all-Latino team.
#3: Allison Stokke
Hey, she's legal. Fair game.
#2: The Chick Next to Jenn Sterger
Hey, she's hot too; there's a slight chance she isn't as dumb as Sterger; and she isn't wearing that stupid-ass hat. And there's a 50/50 chance that hers are real and spectacular.
#1: Alyssa Milano
She's dated basically everybody and is "friends" with Dmitri Young. She has a line of sports shirts (?) which are ugly, but who cares -- she's hot. Like nuclear explosion hot.
Just watch out if you "ogle" her too much -- Tony Danza may kick your butt. And that Jonathan may critique attire.
