Floyd Landis Wants To Be Lance Armstrong
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by user Detroitown
After Floyd Landis' tested positive for high amounts of testosterone one has to be either curious or very concerned. Curious as in, "Wait....cycling's a sport?".
Come on, let's be rational. Besides Lance Armstrong, the first things any logical human being would contemplate about cycling go in order: 1. The homeless 2. Skinny white guys 3. The elderly, because it beats walking
An individual would be concerned because Floyd Landis isn't happy with being himself. He wished to lose function in one (or both, to one up Lance) nut by shooting up roids, just to be like Lance. Landis, you almost had us. We mean, you almost won the Tour de Crossiants legitimately with a bum hip. You may have thrown in a lie or seven about your hip being so excrutiatingly painful that it hurt to do anything. But now that you've tested positive for something Lance Bass lacks, people hate you.
No Landis wristbands.
No Advil commercials (hip).
Not even a possible chance of there ever being a Landis-hip-associated catch phrase going something like this:
"Jesus! I fell out of bed this morning and broke my hip! But thank God I can still enter the Tour de France and feasibly win!"
Pat Forde gives us a look at Landis' future, fanwise. He compares cycling to Pigpen from Peanuts...so Landis is basically a scapegoat. Not looking good, Landis.
On a more personal, opinionated note, we think of Landis as a dumbass. What's more cunning than putting yourself at risk for being associated with/put in the same category as Barry Bonds and dishonest, crummy Olympians? Well, just about anything, including sticking your head in an operating oven, doing business for/with Suge Knight, or even claiming 48 murders throughout your Heaven-bound life:
A man serving a life sentence in Colorado for murdering a teenage girl has claimed responsibility for as many as 48 slayings across the country dating back more than three decades, ....."It's possible he's exaggerating, but I don't think you can conduct business assuming he's exaggerating, El Paso County Sheriff Terry Maketa said.
Just because Lance has been rumored to have used steroids doesn't mean he has,...you wannabe.
Floyd Landis, America has ostracized you. Say hello to the people of Arab descent for us.
Date
Thu 07/27/06, 9:31 pm EST
he is a fraud, this doesnt make the argument for lance being clean any easier.
it's a sad day is he is double positive for american sportsmen.