Eight Mascots that Need to Die
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by user DNL Eight mascots that need to die. Feel free to add your thoughts at the end.
Keggy the Keg
He's the mascot for Dartmouth College.
Suggested method of death: Fill him up with vinegar. Add a big pouch of baking soda. Toss in about six thousand pins. Seal him tight. Sooner or later, the pins will puncture the pouch, leaking baking soda into the vinegar. Boom goes Keggy.
Lil' Red
Lil Red hails from the University of Nebraska.
Suggested method of death: Cross the streams from your proton packs. Watch as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Cornhusker mascot melts.
The Stanford Tree
Stanford, obviously.
Suggested method of death: Three words: "Very Brady Christmas."
J.J. Jumper
He's the official mascot of NCAA Basketball.
Suggested method of death: Six days in a room with Carrot Top. And a lot of little tiny razor blades.
Big Red
Meet the Western Kentucky University Hilltopper.
Suggested method of death: Solomonic divorce proceeding between his natural parents -- the Kool-Aid Man and Grimace.
Billy Buffalo
Mascot of the Buffalo Bills.
Suggested method of death: I actually don't have a good one, but man, what the hell are the Bills thinking? Did someone swallow a bucket of neon fuzz?
Gapper
He's the Cincinnati Reds other mascot -- the one that doesn't look like Mr. Met.
Suggested method of death: Actually... maybe he and Billy Buffalo need to have a fuzzball deathmatch.
Screech
He's the bald eagle (except that he ain't bald) who supports the Washington Nationals. And he looks like he's pregnant.
Suggested method of death: Dick Cheney. Hunting Trip. Need we say more?
Date
Mon 04/17/06, 2:22 pm EST <pageTools></pageTools>
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> This is a bad mascot.
I was at the game when the Rockies supposudly discovered this giant dinosaur egg under Coors Field, and then was there again when the egg "hatched" and Dinger was born. It's ridiculous.