Coke does a body good

by Suckatsports

No, not that poison Coca Cola, I'm talking about the real stuff: cocaine. What can possibly be bad about something that's both a stimulant and an appetite suppressant. In fact this sounds like the perfect drug. Ah yes, side effects, but they don't sound so bad at all: "giving rise to what has been described as a euphoric sense of happiness and increased energy. It is most often used recreationally for this effect." Euphoric? Happiness? Increased Energy? Appetite Suppressant? I just don't see a downside. Clearly, Martina Hingis agrees, as she was just accused of testing positive from cocaine, which prompted her retirement. No doubt so that she can no longer test positive for it, purely because she won't be tested.

> "I find this accusation so horrendous, so monstrous that I've decided to confront it head on by talking to the press," she said. "I am frustrated and angry. I believe that I am absolutely 100 percent innocent." > > Hingis said the positive test, which could lead to a doping suspension of up to two years, led to her retirement because she doesn't want to spend years fighting the case.

Well, that's not an indictment at all on her part, seeing as how her retirement was a direct result of her testing positive. It's like running away from the cops when they say your name. You're not guilty, but why the hell would you be running if you didn't do something wrong. What's to say she didn't do some nose candy to cover up her steroid use? Well, if she didn't do cocaine, she's probably not too familiar with what it does...

> "They say that cocaine increases self-confidence and creates a type of euphoria," she said in a statement. "I don't know. I only know that if I were to try to hit the ball while in any state of euphoria, it simply wouldn't work. > > "I would think that it would be impossible for anyone to maintain the coordination required to play top class tennis while under the influence of drugs. And I know one other thing -- I would personally be terrified of taking drugs." > > Hingis said she later underwent a privately arranged hair test which came back negative for cocaine. The official backup "B" sample test on her Wimbledon urine sample, however, tested positive for the drug.

Yeah, it looks like she "read" the same Wikipedia article that I did. And by "read" I mean "snort". Actually, fun fact. Did you know that there are more than a handful of ways to skin a cat which is street talk for getting cocaine into your body. Apparently if you free base, it gets to your blood stream in a mere 5 seconds, as opposed to waiting until the crystals hit your brain by smoking. Now that's a good tip; I've been wasting so much time, it's almost criminal.

I don't know what the big deal is about. It's not like this helped her performance, she even said it couldn't possibly, hypothetically. This is outside of the sport, which means it's completely okay.

Here's an observation, though. I read through the Wikipeda entry (learn something new every day) and the process of making cocaine, or crack cocaine, or any other various version of it isn't easy, it's fairly complicated. Add to that, preparing it and transporting it aren't easy processes from what it seems. How do these cracked out morons come up with this stuff?

Hingis claims innocence after positive cocaine test [ESPN.com]

This post is cross-published from We Suck at Sports.