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You Can’t be F-ING Serious…UCF Bands Tailgate Drinking!
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Well, summer officially began a couple days ago and within a month the professional pigskins will begin flying around. A few weeks later, the collegiate pigskins will join in on the action! Yes boys, it’s almost here! Although it can’t get here soon enough! Now is that perfect opportunity to make sure you’re all set for the season! Meaning, if you can afford to see your favorite team live and in person, (thanks to the gas prices) besides having the new gear ready to wear, the tickets in your grubby paws, you need all the tailgating essentials! Yes sir, tailgating and football go together like the cock and balls one finds on their toilet, (get the head out of the gutter). Can’t have one without the other…If you do, well, I feel real sorry for your ass!
Now tailgating is essential at any football game…However, is it just me or does it seem like tailgating with the co-eds on college campus’s is ten times better than on Sunday’s? It’s 10 a.m. and I’m Joey Chestnutting Brats and guzzling beer like my Yukon Denali guzzles gas. It’s okay, it’s okay…It’s all part of our love for pigskins and co-eds, (yes, in that order)! I’m vowing right here to make that a man law!
Well then I must ask, how bad must it suck then to be either a fan or a student at the University of Central Florida? Why? Starting this fall, UCF fans will have less time to drink during tailgating before football games. Excuse me, what are you babbling about? UCF officials say come kick-off time fans will need to be in the stadium and not out in the parking lot drinking…Banning open containers on campus after kick-off. And if you break the rule, you could be arrested. HUH? UCF administrators say once the game starts, the drinking must stop. And this just in, UCF has banned students from having sexual intercourse in all dorm rooms as well…All violators will have to visit Dr. Ruth and who knows what the hell will go on there!
Hell, while UCF’s at it, why not stop the forward pass too? Tell George O’Leary that he has to go Tom Osbourne and Nebraska and not throw a pass for the entire season! Shit, what a football experience on a college campus…Next thing you’ll know, UCF will employ a curfew of 10:30 p.m. to students who live on campus.
Oh, but wait, there’s a catch! If you're buying beer at one of UCF's two restaurants then the beer keeps flowing after kick-off. Is this like the whole "I" before "E" except after "C" exception? So basically it’s, "Don’t buy your beer down at the 7-11 on the corner, buy all your hops from us!" So we can inflate the cost by 200 percent! But don’t worry, you can still have a good time, get drunk…You just will go broke doing it, instead of having money left over if you did business with 7-11! Shit, who needs freaking gas money anyway…Hell yeah boy, GO KNIGHTS!
Yeah, all UCF peeps can go to hell! It’s no wonder why they’re located in Orlando, home of Mickey Mouse…It’s the ideal place. That’s like going to a strip club where the lovely ladies can’t take off their tops…I no, I no, there’s clubs out there like that, called Bikini Clubs. Hell, if I wanted to see bitches in bikinis I go to the freaking beach. Same thing here, if I wanted to go to the bar to drink and watch the game I would damn it! Fact of the matter is I don’t! When I don’t have a ticket to the game and choose to get shitfaced in the stadium parking lot with co-eds drinking my own beer where I bought from Julio and his corner store I should have that choice!
UCF peeps decided to do this to make it a safer, more family filled environment. If you want family, go visit Mickey & Minnie down the road…For God sakes, it’s called football. All this from a university who couldn’t wait to get an on campus stadium…Now that they have one, they don’t know what it all entails!
"I think that's a good idea. A lot of drinking around, a lot of hard-core partying and drunk driving and stuff on games days. I'm scare to be on road on game days," said Morgan Ownes, a UCF student. Hello Megs, I know you have to be somewhat smart to get into the university, but lets look at this a little closer. Sorry you feel scared to be on the road on gamedays, but what’s so good about this idea? Peeps are still able to get shitfaced…Actually the university encourages it with the building of UCF's newest bar and grill called Tailgaters. Which just so happens to be on the way to Brighthouse Stadium…Gee, what a coincidence. It should be open by the fall semester…WOW, another coincidence! According to students and alumni, it will be packed with people who want to keep partying after kick-off. Yeah, no shit…All spending money, just what UCF wants!
Although she went on to say, "Definitely a double standard…If you can't do it at UCF but you can do it at UCF it doesn't make sense to me because it's still on campus." My dear, it’s all about dollars and cents! "If you have to go on campus to drink, I think that's bull because it's kind of expensive," said student Mike Deida. Right on bro!
So thank your lucky stars you’re not a UCF fan…Having to make the tough choice of your money to be GAS MONEY or BEER MONEY…Hmmm? Sorry Julio, looks like it might be time to close up shop, bud!
And just remember, this will not be tolerated on the campus of UCF…
[1]Enjoy football season!
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