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When you meet me in person what does it feel like? I know, I know I look better in real life.More By Bobbyjim45
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Rappin’ on Baseball: Predictions
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Yeah, I know it’s not preseason anymore and you’ve read enough MLB preview articles, but I’m here with a little something special for you. I’ve got a new series (if I don’t get lazy) called Rappin’ on Baseball, where the new Armchair MC, Bobbyjim45 spits mad rhymes and dope hooks for your listening (or reading) pleasure.
So queue the beat in your head, sit back and let my words wash over you, as you get smarter with each line.
AL East
The AL East is looking pretty dope,
You got the Sox and Yanks, even the Rays got hope.
The Jays aren’t bad, leaving the O’s in last place,
But it really don’t matter in this two horse race.
Their pitching is good and the lineups are whack,
But the Yanks rotation could give you a heart attack.
So that’s why I’m gonna give the edge to the Red Sox,
Led by Youk’s goatee and of course Manny’s dreadlocks.
The Yankees finish second and grab the Wild Card.
The Rays jump to third, cuz those kids play hard.
Toronto and Baltimore round out the feast.
Ladies and gentlemen, that’s your AL East.
AL Central
Nowadays the Central’s got their own big two.
They got the Sox, Royals and Twins all feelin’ blue.
I’m gonna take the Tigers and I got my reason.
Cleveland will be out come playoff season.
Detroit’s crazy lineup gives pitchers fits,
And you can’t trust C.C. cuz he’s got big… man-boobs.
The Twins will find the basement without Santana;
Only thing that can save ‘em is a stud like Brian Fantana.
The White Sox and Royals will finish fourth and third.
In October, you’ll see Ozzie dropped like a turd.
Not much talent after the Tigers and Tribe.
This feels like the end of the AL Central vibe.
AL West
Predicting this division ought to be hard,
But Seattle makes it easier with Erik Bedard.
Sure the LA Angels are anything but poor,
But Felix, Bedard and Putz make it awful hard to score.
I’m takin’ the Rangers to end up in third place.
Come the All-Star break, they’ll be out of the chase.
The A’s end up in the cellar cuz Moneyball is dead.
If you don’t believe it, you got a bullet blasted through your head.
Billy Beane’s a genius, but it’s all about your method.
The bottom teams in the West are nothing but decrepit.
Don’t expect Seattle to compete in October.
After the ALDS, the West’s season should be over.
NL East
Phillies fans don’t like the words of Carlos Beltran,
But Philadelphia needs to know just where they stand.
The Mets are gonna take the East with style and ease.
Atlanta will finish second, but it won’t be a breeze.
Now I know with the Big 3, Philly ain’t half bad.
The problem is their pitching staff is scantily clad.
Then you got the Nationals and Marlins too.
They both kinda suck, but they’re better than me and you.
If I had to pick and order, I’d say Nats then Fish.
Too bad the whole division’s gonna get rocked with Amazin’s at the dish.
Philly fans will scream, “I don’t like how you portray us.”
Well all I got to say to that is, “Peyes for Reyes…”
Baby!
NL Central
The NL Central has got a whole six teams to include,
But it’s easy to pick the winner; it’s the Cubs, dude!
The lineup is stacked and the pitching is good,
Well at least until you get to ol’ Kerry Wood.
In second place, it’s the Brewers you’ll find.
That’s the “Wild Card Brewers” if you don’t mind.
We’ll follow that up with the Reds then the ‘Stros,
Who’ll end up as far as that pitching staff goes.
Then we find the Pirates, with the Cardinals in the back.
You remember the days when the Cards led the pack?
There’s who wins out in the Central collision.
My pick will come true in the fattest division.
NL West
Now listen up fans, the Rockies weren’t a fluke.
If you’re a Dodgers fan, this will make you want to puke.
The pitching’s still solid, and the offense is stellar.
No more are the days of the Rocks in the cellar.
LA comes up short, but just by a hair.
The Blue is overrated, just like Juan Pierre.
We follow that up with the D’Backs, then the Padres.
San Diego has no pop in their bats; they play more like the Madres.
Finally the Giants are coming in last.
The good news is that Barry is a thing of the past.
Now you’ve seen my big surprise division winner.
They’ll celebrate the playoffs with a Rocky Mountain dinner.
Championship Games
In the ALCS, we’ll see Detroit and Boston.
Aw hell, you know I’m gonna pick the Sox, son.
In the senior circuit, I got Cubs over Rockies.
Down to 7 games, but the Rockies; they got too cocky.
World Series
The Cubs think it’s fate for the curse to go down.
Too bad the Sox make Piniella look like a clown.
Sox sweep! Sox sweep! Watch the nation rejoice!
Then you’ll all hear me say, “yeah, that was my choice.
If you don’t like the picks, don’t cry to me.
Cuz if I’m right, the Sox are a dynasty.
Don’t think so? Remember the rhyme Kanye made,
“In two years Dwyane Wade became Dwyane Wade!”
A legend
