Are you a Crossdresser?
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by user Manny Stiles
Another Manny Stiles pet peeve...
Crossdressers.
Display your colors, fans!!! The phenomena started as soon as pro sports did, but the apex had to be the Early '90's. People LOVE to root for their teams, they buy foam fingers declaring their squad #1, they buy apparel, paraphenalia, and logoed apparatus to declare their undying allegiances.
I'll bet you have more team logos in your closet than fingers on your hands.
But where the hell does 'Crossdressing' come into play with this article, Stiles? As always, I'll eventually get to the point - Crossdressing as defined by your hero, Manny Stiles is:
"when a person wears logoed gear/apparel/accessories of two different teams in the same sport on their personal being at the same time."
For example - a person who wears a Lakers jersey and a Knicks hat IS a cross-dresser. HOW, HOW, HOW can you have allegiances to both teams? You're NOT a real sports fan. You are a despicable nuisance to all of us who revere the institution of Professional Sports!
Dress head to toe in your team's gear - A+ for you! Add one iota of another team's licensed gear, burn in hell you crossdressing piece of dung!
Exception to the rule - It IS ok to wear your #88 Cowboys Michael Irvin jersey with a Miami U hat. The allegiance still remains congruent. However throw an Eagles wristwatch or Florida State sweatpants on and you just crossed the line; BIG TIME.
The teams don't even need to be rivals, they just need to be the same league. (I'll let you slide if you have 2 or more teams of different sports on - Steelers, Penguins and Pirates for instance is OK, but just barely and only if you are from Pittsburgh - at which point I will say "I'm sorry")
You gotta pick sides, you can't ride on both sides of the fence at once.
If you go out and get a tattoo of your team, (A. I can apply it for you cheap! B. Are you stupid? They'll change the logo next week!) you better just throw out all of the other teams' gear you have!
I will NOT even let you get away with wearing two college logos (ANY division) at the same time. If you did your undergrad at University of Vermont-Rutland, but went to grad school at Arizona State it is NOT OK to wear BOTH logos at the same time. You are too well educated to be a crossdresser and you should just know better. It's ok to 'root' for both, but you can only 'sport' one allegiance at a time.
Root for any team you want even the Yankees, but you cannot possibly have equal allegiances for two or more teams in the same sport. You are not the "Warren Jeffs of Fanship"!
Maybe I could blame this on Bill Cosby or Snoop Dogg, but I won't. Temple University dropout/football player Cosby wore a sweater from every college/university (real and fake) in the history of mankind, but I never caught him crossdressing (yet).
The phenomena went global with the explosion of gangsta rap in Southern California. Gangbangers were already well noted for their wearing of 'colors' and accompanying sporting teams with those colors began selling gear like never before. These guys were "hard" and suburban white kids nationwide couldn't wait to spend Mommy's cash on appearing hardcore.
Then you had the popularity and easy coordination of basic black. The Raiders and LA Kings gear became fashion staples in hip-hop. Snoop's "Gin n' Juice #93" Penguins Jersey creatively raised the game up a few notches (while wearing a Raiders hat, dangling on the thin line of crossdressing). Countless numbers of teams like the Bulls, Falcons, Stars and White Sox added black as a primary color to reap financial benefits from the fad. (I WISH the Arizona Cardinals would, too)
Then came the expansion era. Franchises were popping up everywhere. The basic black of a Rockies hat fell right into melee. The Orlando Magic had black as a primary color. But with new wave of franchises also came NEW colors, most notably Teal. The Charlotte Hornets sold everywhere! The Florida Marlins gear sold like crack (they had teal AND black). The San Jose Sharks became the hottest sellers even though most "Shark fans" couldn't find San Jose on a map.
Then there was bubblegoose. The Starter Jacket era blew the doors off of Sports apparel. EVERYBODY had a team jacket. If you didn't, you simply WEREN'T cool (at the very worst, you weren't warm without the jacket, either). People were getting robbed and beaten, even shot for their team gear!
There was one incident in 1992 when I had accused some low-level street punks of crossdressing. I am a pretty big dude/insatiable smart ass and they seemed fairly benign to me. I informed one of the wannabe-thugs that wearing Miami gear with Florida State gear was a sin in fashion AND sports fanship. When I asked them if they could name a single athlete from either school, the kid responded 'duh' and I informed him he was "definitely a crossdresser". I think the term was lost on him. He left and came back later with his buddies and performed a well executed drive-by with a can of mace to my face.
Direct hit! I didn't even see it coming.
Now due to the nature of my college dorm life/pepper spray fights/ventilation pranks and habit of personally defying the Scoville Scale (Eating habenero sauces), I was WELL adapted to the sweet, sweet sting of pepper spray. No biggie really, I didn't even flinch. I simply lit a cigarette (I used to smoke alot back then) and calmly waited for the capsaicin to run it's natural course on my mucous membranes; to the bewilderment of my friends nearby who were tearing and coughing from splatterback.
But I learned that it was best to choose my words/targets more wisely after that (for the most part). After all a can of mace is no big deal, but what if it was a Supersoaker full of bleach, some form of projectile acid or even bullets??? Informing people of their ignorance wisely became less important to me (at least in person on the "rough" streets of Pottstown, PA) on that day...
That doesn't mean I can't spot a crossdresser from a mile away.
Previous to the 90's only hardcore fans had a personal bevy of team apparel (along with the obligatory can of bodypaint), the average person MAYBE had one old ratty college T-shirt or Pro team shirt with the old colors and logo (I still have an orange Buccaneers shirt). Now closets were becoming LOADED with a variety of college and pro apparel with "alternate" team colors even!
Of course the more team apparel came into the spotlight, the more the true fashion mavens had to extend their original flavor. Throwback jerseys came into major play. Now people weren't only honoring their teams, but also the legends who would always be remembered for those franchises. Paying $400 for a baby blue Steve Carlton zip-up polyester 1980 Phillies jersey was nothing to be a trend setter (even if it was one of baseball's worst designs, it still looks cool).
Throwbacks are always cool, especially if they are somewhat obscure; a '75 Indians Frank Robinson Jersey or '65 Houston Colt 45's Joe Morgan, even a DiMaggio San Francisco Seals jersey would gain favor in my book - (even though Joe D is EXTREMELY overrated), but then all hell broke loose...
In 2001 during the NBA Finals, the halftime show starred Destiny's Child. Beyonce, the other girl and whatshername came out to perform in half-Lakers, half-Sixers jerseys and the Frankenstein crossdressing era was ushered in. Later that year at a Diamondback game I saw a guy wearing a half-Cubs, half-D-Backs #17 Mark Grace jersey... That's a tough one, the allegiance is to Gracie more than either of his teams, but it still qualifies as crossdressing in my book. Not as despicable as a half-Mets, half-Yankee jersey or half-Eagles, half-Cowboys jersey, but still a disgusting fan/fashion sin nonetheless!
I guess all I'm saying is have some sensibility, people! Root for your team and your team only. Don't be a Crossdresser!
Dress like you've been there before!
Date
Mon 09/11/06, 8:12 am EST
