“Smokey” Has Some Bite

by user LastRow

Sports and mascots go hand in hand…Both provide us with some form of entertainment. Now that can either be good or bad depending on what team you cheer & how ludicrous the mascot is. These costumes are usually worn by crazed lunatics who had to be dropped on their heads at some point in their childhood…Why do they always seem like they just got done drinking a 12-pack of Red Bull? In some instances the mascot can steal the headlines away from the actual game being played….Is Stanford really aware how lucky they are to have that tree as their mascot? Out there the 12-pack of Red Bull becomes a case of Miller Lite. Although if you really think about it, why else would anybody want to attend any athletic events at Stanford if that was the case?

Apparently some hooligan must’ve laced “Smokeys” water bowl with some Red Bull last Saturday. Now we all know it’s always a big game the third Saturday in October…Better known as Alabama week to the Knoxvillans, everybody’s fired up on Rocky Top. However, apparently some more than others. Mans best friend, Tennessee’s favorite son, (or dog in this case) the bluetick coonhound known as Smokey IX has been accused of a very serious doggie crime. The Crime: biting an Alabama player before last week's game at Neyland Stadium. So I’m guessing that he’s out of the running for the “Capital One Mascot of the Year” title then? Smokey, say it isn’t so bud. See, goes to show you water & Red Bull is a lethal combination!

So why the outburst? Nothing really…Of course, except for the fact that Crimson Tide receiver Mike McCoy fell on the 3-year-old dog during pre-game warmups. After all, McCoy only stands 6-foot-3, and weighs 195-pounds. Oh, is that all…Smokey has some nerve! I don’t know why on earth he took a bite out of McCoy? Wonder what the Stanford Tree would’ve done if he got Jacked Up innocently standing on the sidelines? If this story isn’t odd enough…The two respective schools have turned this into a he said, she said story. Come on people, we’re talking about a mascot here. Smokey's owner says he didn't…"Smokey did not bite him…He only howls.” Wait, wait…He’s a dog right? It’s a known fact that dogs bite…Period, no matter what breed! Alabama coach Mike Shula says Smokey bit the player, but he goes on to say… "I wasn't an eyewitness, but I did see that it drew blood in pre-game warmups."

Mikey, if you weren’t an I eyewitness, how do you know that the blood was a result of Smokey chomping down on one of your players like he does his doggy toys? What, did McCoy tell you that the dog bit him for no apparent reason? I’m just guessing he neglected to say that he fell on top of the pooch to you, didn’t he? I’m no expert in Smokey handling, but I do know Dog 101…In it one learns, dog doesn’t bite unless dog gets pissed off about something, or gets JACKED UP by a 6-foot-3, 195-pound football player. I’m curious, let’s say this wasn’t Smokey…Lets say this was Ralphie out in Colorado, or Mike the Tiger down in Baton Rouge

Although since there’s a discrepancy on what really did go down last Saturday…The bigger question here that should be asked is, “Has PETA been contacted?” I have no doubt through their intensive research, they can figure out exactly what went down. If PETA gets involves, Mike McCoy, you better watch your back son…They don’t take no shit from animal abuser. After they get through with you, Smokey’s bite will look like a love nibble from your girlfriend! Believe That!

"He's never hurt anybody. He's very gentle, very calm," Earl Hudson (The Pooch’s Trainer) said. Hey Earl, another thing I learned in Dog 101 is that every dog owner says that about the dog. Dumb people who own pitbulls even say shit like that. You think perhaps this is why everybody refers to dogs as “Mans Best Friend?” Gee, now there’s a concept. I understand you’re defending your dog, it’s kind of like Charlie Weis defending his football as they slipped in the polls, but it’s like what you said… “He came down right on top of Smokey," Hudson explained. "Now what dog worth his salt wouldn't defend himself?

Although a warning should go out to Vol players & fans…We don’t know what kind of psychological damage Smokey may suffered from this incident, so at the next Tennessee home game as Smokey wanders through the crowd gathered for the procession of players to the game gets petted by many children, just be very aware and use good judgment. At any possible moment Smokey could have a flashback to Mike McCoy, as he mistaken him for a horse. One thing is for sure. Smokey was not injured and remains on the travel roster as the Vols travel to Columbia, South Carolina on Saturday.

In my opinion, this only helps to build a better resume for Smokey as the “Capital One Mascot of the Year”! Hey Smokey, you still get my vote! That’s such a good dog…You’re such a good dog, yes you are….Yes, you are!

Thanks Doggie Language for in case any of you out there aren’t fluent in it!

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