'Twas NBA Draft Day...
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by user Shoeless Joe
WRITTEN BEFORE THE DRAFT, SO THE CONTENT IS WRONG. ENJOY THE WRITING NONETHELESS.
'Twas NBA Draft Day, and after my meal Sitting in front of the tube, awaiting a Josh Howard-type steal
The dishes were piled up high in the sink Isaiah's draft choices will surely rival their stink
The children, of course, had been sent to bed early And the all-day draft coverage was making me surly
Mamma had no kerchief, just a Phoenix Suns cap and she cursed that nothing came from that KG trade crap
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter I grabbed my Louisville Slugger like a 'roided up batter
Away to the backyard I flew like a demon Kicked open the screen door to give someone a reamin'
Being only 7, there was no moon in sight And I struggled to find what had caused all our fright
When , what to my wondering eyes should appear But a grumpy old man whipping young men, not deer
Whey walked to my lawn, and with a sharp turn I knew in a moment, it was that asshole David Stern
The men that he rode on showed much disdain And temporarily complied as he called them by name:
"Now Oden, now Durant, now Horford and Conley On Noah, on Brewer, on Thornton and Stuckey.
To the end of the street, to Madison Square G Can't wait to get there! You'll save our league! Wheeee!"
With a flick of his wrist, the whip came down with a crash And all 8 men wanted to kick Dave Stern's ass
But they trudged down the road, in line like a stream Each ready to be shipped to the shittiest team
I went back inside and plopped down in my chair Flipped on the telly, and who was on there?
Stern stared back at me from his perch in New York And awkwardly stood at his podium. Dork.
He said the Blazers took Oden; big fucking surpise. And Seattle took the other one of those guys
With the number 5 pick, Boston sat debatin' Because rational choices are one thing they be hatin'
"Since the Knicks don't pick until number 23," Danny Ainge asked himself, "Who'll do the worst job tonight? Me!"
He skipped over Conley, and both of the Wrights Even over Jeff Green, to Milwaukee's delight
Ignoring the need for a point guard like woah Ainge decided he didn't want fans any mo'
He thought about Duncan and wanted to cry And pulled the trigger on that huge Chinese guy
When Stern made the call, audience smiles turned to frown And that was the night MSG burned to the ground.
The Boston fans had enough, and with an potatoey smirk They lit up the building like it was the Playoffs against Dirk
As ESPN lost the feed, Stephen A. Smith was heard screaming, "This is terrible, horrible! I must surely be dreaming!"
I flipped off the tube and thought to myself, "Well, there's another Draft you can put on the shelf."
And really, if you sit, think long and hard about it It's the NBA Draft... who really gives a shit?
